This is my story.
I love my horse. He loves me. I am grateful. My husband started this page as my test page and the more I read it, the more I realized the completion in this statement. I love my horse. He loves me. I am grateful. Be My Love and I started on a journey. Our journey is one of laughter, tears, and understanding-all on my part. Be My Love took my soul and said, we will do this together and we are. Everyday is a constant battle of not seeing him. Constant battle of wanting him on my land to complete our family-along with his brother Bren. The question I get all the time is, "do you ride him?" My shocking response..."No, he dances with me!" Our journey started with him showing me our path as therapist and co-therapist to now being one of growth, perseverance, and companionship.
I love my horse. He loves me. I am grateful.
This is all I need. He pulled me out of depression, giving up on myself, and unending questions about what is next. The only thing next for me is my next hug. My next kiss and my next dance with B My Love. Everything else is of no significance. No job title, no choice, no decision, no regrets. Nothing. My goal is to bring him and his brother home to me and Dennis and our furry family. How I do that is still working itself out. The only true path to healing is one with a faithful loving companion. I am blessed to have many in the form of my husband, our fur family and family and friends. I feel that B My Love grabbed my soul and lit the way to my heart. B always knows what is best for me. I learn so much about me through what he shows me. I have been battling an illness for over a decade. This silent illness is one that takes my life slowly. It suffocates me, silences me, and secludes me. Upon reflection, living with adrenal fatigue and candida overgrowth, I find myself always needing to defend and reason with myself because Western medicine does not view this as an illness. I have an allergy to mildew and mold. This sparks candida overgrowth, which triggers adrenal fatigue, triggering depression and low immune system, triggering illness. Western medicine wants to give me a Z-Pack. Z-Pack makes my candida overgrowth condition worse. So they give me something to "kill" the candida overgrowth, making me sicker and now I have to work full-time and manage time with my horses. I get anxious and stressed, and now I "crash" and cannot get out of bed for two days. Then I am expected to go on a strict diet that is difficult to follow, and does not work all of the time because my body then combats the food and develops a different type of allergy from the foods I that I am eating to combat the original food allergy. So now I battle weight loss and weight gain, swelling, and fatigue. All while obtaining the PhD, mental health license, Yoga instructor certificate, additional training, managing a personal business and working full-time. Yet, the cycle continues and now I am burnt out. Little joy, all that hard work to obtain the degrees and training and I do not want any part of it. Nothing. All this time dedicating myself to helping others to get thrusted into a war of supervisors taking advantage of ideas, feeling threatened, getting set up, being crinkled up like an unwanted piece of paper and being thrown away.
For me, the tiny sparks of the flame are held in yoga, dance, drumming, and the companionship with my animals. A fleck still remains for a healthy community. Upon some reflection this morning, over this past decade and really my whole life, I am haunted with perfectionism, not feeling enough, job being the main identity, and weight-making my heart dark. Then my soul speaks: trust, regard, love, wisdom, courage, and walking with ancestors through dance, yoga, drumming, and animal companionship. I love my horse. He loves me. I am grateful. He lights my soul and ignites the flame leading me on my path that my ancestors set for me and they sent me B.
I love my horse. He loves me. I am grateful.
